The Most Pathetic Penalties

For Manchester United‘s Patrice Evra, the 2009 Community Shield was not an afternoon to remember. As he lay sobbing on the ground after being face-slapped by Herr Michael Ballack, Chelsea went on the counter-attack and scored their second goal. Then when it came time for the penalty shootout, Evra stepped up and, with the strength of a wheelchair-bound octogenarian, delivered one of the most pathetic penalties in modern memory – a painfully slow dribbler right down the middle. Sorry, just a suggestion here… You’re 12 yards out, with no one but the goalkeeper in front of you.  What’s so wrong with blasting the ball?

At least Evra can take solace from a few other infamous penalty gaffes.

Here’s one from last year’s FA Cup Semi-Final from Evra‘s teammate, Dimitar Berbatov, aka “Mr. Cool.” So cool, so shite.

We sort of feel bad laughing about this one. Lancaster City‘s Peter Devine literally misses from the spot in the 1991 HFS Northern Premier League Division One Cup Final. Sorry, you don’t come back from that one.

Sometimes Francesco Totti can be too clever for his own good as evidenced by this clip of him trying to simply chip the ball into the middle of the net… or rather, straight into the hands of the keeper. And what do you do when you’re one of the world’s best players with egg on your face? You run over and try to knock over the keeper. Priceless stuff.

Finally, one from Diana Ross during the opening ceremony of the 1994 World Cup in the USA. So mind-blowingly awful that the goal just spontaneously collapses into two pieces.