Chelsea’s £18 Million Hypochondriac

Something fishy is going on at Stamford Bridge.  Chelsea’s marquee signing of the summer – 18-million-pound-man Yuri Zhirkov -  has yet to play a league game for the club and has played less than a combined 90 minutes for them in all competitions. Ever since his big money move from CSKA Moscow in July, the Russian winger and fullback has been trying to shake off a mysterious rash of injuries that have even baffled club doctors. But to us, it sounds like the Russian’s problems are more mental than physical. If you pay closer attention to the chatter, you’ll hear Zhirkov making noises about how hard it’s been for him to settle in London. He’s even floated the theory that his body is reacting adversely to the drastic changes in climate, food and lifestyle. And to think he considered joining Barcelona.

Also consider the fact that Zhirkov was in the lineup for both legs of Russia’s recent World Cup playoff against Slovenia. So… either Yuri’s having us on, or Hiddink knows better. Either way, Zhirkov seems to be shirking his club duties and that’s simply not acceptable – especially when you’re the most expensive Russian footballer in history. Granted, Yuri might be a little homesick, but someone should tell him that it’s currently hovering just above 0 degrees freezing in Moscow. That makes London seem like a balmy summer evening in the Caucasus.

With Chelsea’s impressive start to the season, Zhirkov has so far been able to dodge questions from the fans and the media, but that run of good results could change at any moment. Over the next few weeks, the Blues travel to Porto, Arsenal and Manchester City. And with Ashley Cole and Jose Bosingwa out on the sidelines (with legitimate injuries), Chelsea’s back four is threatening to come apart at the seams. It’s time for Zhirkov to stand up and be counted. And if all else fails, maybe he should take a cue from Robin Van Persie and start rubbing some placenta fluid on his injuries.

A rare photo of Zhirkov in blue