Letter to Fabio Capello

Prior to the World Cup, Fabio Capello‘s no nonsense approach was all the rage. Following England‘s humiliation in South Africa things have changed. Not only is Capello now the most hated man in English football but even the bigwigs at Club England are starting to doubt the appointment of Italy’s version of Postman Pat.

Sir Dave Richards, the Chairman of Club England, is reluctant to publicly question Fabio Capello‘s methods. Although in private, it’s a completely different story. We got our hands on a private letter to the manager and Sir Dave gets his points across very clearly (even for Capello.)

Dear Fabio,

We hope you have been having a good summer. Those of us here at Club England have been pleased to be out of the eye of the media. We like the low profile.

We all gathered for a strategy meeting yesterday and made a couple of decisions you should be aware of. First of all, we decided that the next England manager will be English. Not Scottish. Not Welsh. And certainly not Italian. English.

This should not upset you at all. We are not racist or nationalistic. Rather, we have some great coaches in England who actually speak English. There’s Harry Redknapp. Okay, so Harry doesn’t speak English. But there’s Roy Hodgson. And there’s . . . .  Well, surely there are others – just can’t think of them at the moment.

Of course, you still have your job, at least for this month. We’ll see how you do at the Euro-qualifier in September and decide whether our new policy should be instituted prior to 2012.

In the interim, we have banned all Italian food from the training table. Fish and chips three meals a day. And we’re opening a branch of Whisky Mist next to Wembley Stadium to make it more convenient for our players to socialise after (or even before) our matches.

We’ll keep in touch to keep you in the loop on other changes proposed.

Ciao,

Sir Dave Richards

Chairman

Club England

Come on, no more Italian food?

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