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The Monday Pick Me Up: Liverpool or Baghdad?

Trevor Cassidy — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:36:59 +0000

Liverpool manager, Rafael Benitez, flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Manchester Utd with only 20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are going crazy. They are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. ”Hello mum, guess what?” he says. “I played for 20 minutes today, and we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me; The fans, the media, they all love me.” “‘Wonderful,” says the boy’s mum. “‘Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed; your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and all the while you were having such a great time playing bloody football.”

The young lad is very upset. “What can I say mum, but I’m so sorry.” ”Sorry?!!!Sorry?!!!” shrieks his mum. “It’s your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place.”

Baghdad or Liverpool?

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The Monday Pick Me Up: Never Walk Alone

The Monday Pick Me Up: Liverpool’s Beach Ball Boy Revealed

The Monday Pick Me Up: Liverpool’s New Shirt Sponsor

The Monday Pick Me Up: Never Walk Alone

Stan Hughes — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:40:46 +0000

I think it’s fair to say that the red half of Merseyside has suffered more than its share of humiliation this season… and we’re not just talking about losses to Reading, Portsmouth and Sunderland. Here’s another bit of hilarious news to kick-start your week…

Read more…

The Monday Pick Me Up: FIFA Tell Maradona, “Suck it”

Stan Hughes — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:52:36 +0000

There’s never a dull moment in the life of Diego Armando Maradona. Following last month’s crunch World Cup qualifying victory over Uruguay, guaranteeing his side’s passage to next summer’s Finals, the current Argentina coach unleashed an almighty, foul-mouthed tirade at journalists and critics. Clearly feeling the strain of leading his country to the international Promised Land, a confrontational Maradona repeatedly told the media: “Que la chupen y sigan chupando.” (For those of you who haven’t been to a South American strip club, that roughly translates into, “Suck it and keep sucking it.”)

But Maradona and the football press have never enjoyed the best of relationships; he once tried shooting an air rifle at journalists loitering outside his estate in Buenos Aires. However, it looks like his latest outburst contained one expletive too far. Breaching FIFA Article 57 pertaining to the use of “offensive gestures and language,” Maradona has been slapped with a 2-month ban from all things footy ending 15 January, 2010… Que la chupen.

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Warning: This video contains foul language.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The Monday Pick Me Up: Capello Bans England World Cup Song

Stan Hughes — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:05:22 +0000

Just when you thought the Italian tactician and master of success couldn’t get any more focused; England manager Fabio Capello has banned a fans’ and players’ favorite: the World Cup song.

Not content with prohibiting WAGs from attending the England base next summer, Capello is again trying to take the Englishness out of English football by restricting the players’ voices. Remember John Barnes’ rap on World in Motion prior to Italia ’90? A youthful looking Gazza bobbing his head around the camera with a face-full of grin and mouthing off ‘express yourself’? Those are the images that define an era of English football. In fact, you don’t need to dig that deep to conclude that the musical bonding experience enjoyed by Beardsley, Lineker and Co. led to England’s most successful assault on the World Cup since winning the trophy at home in 1966.

If England wins the World Cup, we’ll be the first ones drunk in Trafalgar Square. But whisper it, if they fail, then we don’t want to look back and think the lack of a World Cup song counted against them.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The Monday Pick Me Up: Liverpool’s Beach Ball Boy Revealed!

Stan Hughes — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:16:19 +0000

During a week in which the cheeky antics of America’s “balloon boy” captivated the world, the Stadium of Light’s “beach ball boy” brought controversy to the Premiership. Blurred out in photos by the press for his own protection, we at Footy Factor can finally reveal who the culprit is that cost Liverpool their fourth loss of the season. Little surprise, it’s a man of mischief who has delighted in foiling Liverpool fans before.

The Monday Pick Me Up: Royals Back 2018 World Cup

Stan Hughes — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:31:22 +0000

According to the Sunday Telegraph, Jack Warner’s harsh comments directed at England’s 2018 World Cup bid have not landed on deaf ears. During the ambush, the FIFA Vice-President highlighted the FA’s ineffective use of the Royal Family which looks to have spurred Prince William, President of the England Football Association, into action. In between nights out at Boujis, Prince William has made it his mission to bring the World Cup back to England for the first time since 1966. We got a sneak peek at the Prince’s new England campaign. Looks like he’s called in a couple of familiar faces to assist in the drive.

Royals back the bid

The Monday Pick Me Up: Wanna Meet Jimmy Bullard?

Stan Hughes — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:25:01 +0000

That’s Bullard Snr. we’re talking about. According to Eat Out Magazine, Bullard Jnr, who plies his trade with Hull City, has splashed out on the The One Bell pub in Crayford, Kent. But if you’re hoping to bump into Jimmy pulling pints on a Saturday night, think again. Bullard Snr. will be taking care of the day-to-day running of the pub while his son tends to The One Dodgy Knee… that’s kept the lad out of action for the best part of three years.

The Monday Pick Me Up: Chelsea Ignore Transfer Ban

Stan Hughes — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:06:00 +0000

Last Friday, Chelsea Football Club received FIFA’s written rationale behind its recent decision to impose a two-window transfer ban on the London club. With the football world now fixated on the issue of tapping-up youngsters, you would’ve thought that Chelsea would be keeping a low profile when it comes to young recruits. Not so. We’ve received this snap-shot from a Chelsea insider showing club captain John Terry testing out a young hopeful’s fitness.

Terry continues to monitor young talent

Here are a couple of quotes you probably WON’T be hearing new chief executive Ron Gourlay utter over the coming weeks:

- If he’s good enough, he’s old enough.

- We’re going to need to order more extra small boys kits for the coming season.

- I’ll have a cup of tea and my friend here will have a glass of milk and a biscuit.

The Monday Pick Me Up: The Sexiest Goal Celebration Ever

Trevor Cassidy — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:03:56 +0000

Football’s a passionate game, and sometimes the players’ passions get the best of them. (Witness the recent behavior of two of Manchester City’s star strikers.) But if Honduran footballers Orlin Peralta and Brayan Beckeles were ever invited to the City of Manchester Stadium, they’d no doubt encourage Emmanuel Adebayor and Craig Bellamy to “make love, not war.” The Vida defender and midfielder were caught in a rather amorous embrace after a goal last week. Beckeles later refuted any allegations of homosexuality to La Prensa newspaper, claiming the angle of the photograph was misleading. “I am a man,” he countered. (Well, that may be true, but how does that swing the argument either way…?)

Beckeles shows Peralta some goal appreciation

The Monday Pick Me Up: Liverpool’s New Shirt Sponsor

Stan Hughes — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 07:09:05 +0000

With the 17-year association between Liverpool Football Club and Carlsberg coming to an end, co-owner George Gillet has declared the team’s new shirt sponsor will be announced imminently. Footy Factor pulled some strings and convinced a Liverpool insider to sneak us a peek at some of the new shirt brands still under consideration. Gillet has said of the options, “I think people will be pleased and surprised.” We wonder which one they’ve selected.

The Monday Pick Me Up: Abramovich Hanging in Africa

Stan Hughes — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 23:35:14 +0000

While the likes of John Terry, Ashley Cole and Frank Lampard are tucked away in the England training camp ahead of Wednesday’s vital World Cup qualifier against Croatia, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has taken a more adventurous approach to the Premiership break. A week in Tanzania, chock-full of game parks and mountain climbing, will enable the Russian billionaire to temporarily escape his club’s current FIFA predicament. With Chelsea’s hopes of conquering Europen hanging in the balance, Roman might just find that climbing Africa’s highest mountain, Mount Kilimanjaro, is an easier task than overturning his club’s transfer ban.

Exposed September 2009

The Monday Pick Me Up: Tranmere’s Dumb & Dumber

William Whistle — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:44:08 +0000

According to The Sun newspaper, new management duo of John Barnes and Jason McAteer have been aptly nicknamed ‘Dumb and Dumber’ by the Tranmere Rovers players. Sitting comfy in the League One relegation zone, light years away from last season’s push for promotion, the prospects of this particular summer blockbuster sticking around look slim.

ps. If you’re a Celtic fan, save yourself £20 – you saw the original back in 2000.

Playing nationwide at a football ground near you

The Monday Pick Me Up: Hammer Time

Stan Hughes — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 08:24:10 +0000

Looks like Gianfranco Zola isn’t the only one who’s getting fed-up with Carlton Cole’s deficiencies in attack. As another sitter fails to hit the back of the net against rivals Spurs, a particularly perturbed West Ham fan lets her feelings be known. We’re no lip readers but it doesn’t look like she’s praising the former Chelsea youth product.

Click here to view the embedded video.